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wanted to do in his presence is punish him my life makes a lot more sense in terms of why i behaved the way i did around him.

So what to do now?
Admit all the suffering I've ever experienced at my hands or anyone else was - is -a lie.
2nd that all the suffering I've felt I cause it to myself
3rd Insist on the thought  I am at ease around Johnny because I know all his rules- he is a very simple, easy animalistic man to be around

Johnny is uneasy with himself. I can't actually know this, but in the past I would have said that was true in the past.

So a part of me thinks this wont work
-how will I react to him now that I don't want to punish him.
Is it possible that i took out all my anger at my bio-dad out on johnny?

How do i act towards Johnny w/ no fear, no hate, no desire to remove him from my life Unthreatened?

Which acceptance & clarity of mind that Love is all- All is Love. What else? I guess I'm asking