Communication

We are walking in the woods.. oh wait it's just me.
Except I think of something great.
I dial your number.....and
Later that day
I think of something because I saw something amazing
And I dial your number.
Do I call you too often? Because I feel like Im afraid to trust you to trust me not to break your heart.
And then sometimes I feel myself shrinking back into a black hole or fuzzy lies and I cling to whichever wall is nearest to me. I reach for my phone. I repeat my mantra.
I don't forget you. Sometimes when Im not with you I feel so close to loosing reality again. But then I remember I love you. And I remember things you said while we were still on the verge of happy, biding time on the carpet, worlds nearly overlapping yet oceans apart.
Do I call you too sparsely?
Im so used to living alone or together.
Im so used to only conversing once a day
once a week
once.
And do I feel like Im not a part of your life. Because is that why I call you?
And do I feel like You are a part of my life but I want you in it more. Becasue is that why I call you?

Stop all thought. I trust you. I trust you to trust me to not break your heart..again.
So if I don't call you. It's because I trust you to call me if you want to. Okay. Exhale.
Trust.

Lesson # 4: Trust