1.25.2011

Love (per usual)

What is LOVE?
Being a energetically sensitive person i can tell you that love isn't swearing or dyslexia.
Love might be niceness- like when someone is nice to you inside and out- more than just to your face but to your soul.
Love could also be a Fast Car, like the one Tracy Chapman sang about.
Basically I don't know what love is.
I know it's not cookies or ice creame or sunshine. But I wish I knew what it was. Then I could look for it and know when I've found it.
I have passions but they have all faded.
I have relationships but I have always ended them.

They say 'true love never fades'.. my friend Yacoub says love just shifts from one person to the next from lover to friend to pet to family.
He's a genius, so he's probably right. I can see how he's right, but I just don't feel it.

I have this emotion. OK. Right in this moment I don't need another, but I've been reading Rumi and I've never felt anything like what he's writing about. Never felt drunk because I was in love. Never saw my life in the rose buds or the tilt of the moon.

What does this say of me? Am I incapable of love?

I have been moved to tears once. There is this portrait of a kind soul named Ilbe the Retriever. Every time I'd gaze on that picture I'd feel so much compassion, and anguish and understanding. Then I would smile.

I always tell people to live for love. That a life without love is not a life at all. Yet in comparison to Rumi my life is very empty indeed.

"It's just me and that moon, Gillybean" -Sally Owens