December 11. 2010
Haven't written in two days and it feels like two weeks or years.
My father came home today a different person. Happy, Laughing. Like I've never seen him before. He looks younger now than he has my whole life! It is amazing.
I just watched Eat Pray Love for the third time (third time's the charm!)
I have been noticing my thoughts and that most are positive and just saying things like “Wow, my father looks great! Kim looks so young! And at 47! I love my father” I think this is the first meeting we have had since.... Alaska where I have loved my father. So openly. We are so similar. He makes me laugh. We joke about farts and not knowing how old you are. About getting enough sleep and exercise. Our world is filled with love. We surround ourselves in beauty- Kim is an amazing home decorator- and feed ourselves absolutely yummmmy food (again thanks to Kim). She has changed all our lives for the better and we are eternally grateful.
I am remembering I cannot forget the peace that I felt in Jesse's house.
My life goal is to retain that peace. It always has been.
I have one curiosity. Growing up , playing with my doll Baby Beans in the attic, I would hear my name being called from outside. Sometimes it was a man sometimes a woman's voice. It wasn't ever condescending. Sometimes it was searching. Who was calling my name? Is my question because I think once I have found them we may both rejoice in each other. I have a feeling I am SO Close. And my curiosity will be answered so soon. I asked my little sister if she called my name before she was born, when she was an angel. She is six. She said yes. I believe she might have been the unseen presence to call my name so clearly, maybe. What I m looking for is an angel or someone I love to come to me in a dream and say Did you ever hear your name being called as a child, and even as your grew older? That was me. And I will rejoice because the world will finally fit. I think I can open myself – I open all of my ears and all of my hearts- to this reception by meditating more. Be still like a mountain. Breathe like a flower. Peace.
So I ask you dear angles who read these words as I write them.
WHO CALLS MY NAME? Please tell me . So I can answer!
Who calls my name like a search.
Like a sweet caress.
Like a playmate.
Like an old friend.
I am still. In stillness the name calls me as surely as someone had spoken it in the next room.
Was it my mother? My sisters? My brothers? My God? My father? My lovers? My children? The trees? The animals? The rocks? The horses? The grass or grasshoppers?
Thank you for appearing to me in a dream, soon. Tonight or the next or the next, etc. and telling me. I am excited to learn and I know I have the means to find out.
The universe is filled with love. Which I accept. I am filled with love. Which I can feel. It;s like not only do I have a guard who watches me twenty four seven but I am eternally fed by this well within me in the center of my heart- being.
