"Magdalene can you hear me say that I love you?"- Boston
In the past two weeks I have seen seven representations of Mary.
I feel called to her and her god (of the christian faith).
I fear my sudden religiosity may surprise my friends but please my family. I also fear that committing myself fully to this religion, which I would only do because it makes me happy, is going to cause rifts between friendships I have made under more pagan terms.
I did not stop believing in a Holy Mother or a All Encompassing Father, it has just changed from a pagan, Wiccan belief into a strong Christian one. And it feels like homecoming.
In familial terms my act of embracing the Christian faith will only serve to strengthen our ties for now all parts of my fathers and mothers, sisters and brothers worship in this faith.
Coming to this faith has taken a while.
I used to practice before I could play the piano at age seven or eight. What finally switched me back from a dislike of Christianity to embracing it was a series of things. My younger sister's love for the church at age six. The woman pastor talking about sex in church ("consummation") and saying people view Christianity not what it is for but what it stands against. Once I was able to make the turnaround and view Christianity from the inside my soul moved, my jaw dropped and tears spilled down my cheeks. This was my religion. It stands for love. Love of enemies, love of self. Love of all human beings and animals. This is the religion of love. Agape love, familial love, communal love. To place God in front of your self is to love yourself. If God is in your forefront of vision there exists no unrequited love or carnal desires. Once one allows God to enter their hearts..once one allows truth, which is love, to enter even a small fraction of their being life is complete.
Again and again the prophets have told us that Love Is All There Is. It only took me nineteen years to finally begin to grasp that. That's perfectly okay though, because it is a beginning. I read Mary called Magdalene and in it Jesus was portrayed as a speaker of love. He looked to those around himself, worrying and bickering, and said "What are you doing. The Kingdom of Heaven is Here and Now". This struck me as so incredibly similar to the New Thought Movement of Louise Hay that I just completely opened my heart to hear more of what he had to say. What finally convinced me was Hildegard von Bingen and Umm Kulthum singing or writing sacred songs. Listening to their music I get goosebumps and my heart chants. I want to do this I want to do this. This I want to do.
I want to sing sacred songs.
This I want to do.
