letter to myself

i did it i did it i did it! i am willing to change i am willing to change! i love you i love you i love you i love you! sarah, you did it you are such an amazing person, you ended all the hate and badness in your life and now he is no longer , no longer with you! you are so amazing, now that you have said good bye, you can do anything , no one nor no thing is insurmountable to you and i love you i love you i love you!!!! thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you, ahahahhahahahahahahaha! thank you god, thank you universe, thank you positive thought, thank you tina, thank you taylor, thank you everyone in my life who helped make me who i am today so that i could leave the pressuring abusive to self relationship. thank you sooo much for letting me know i am valued today. now i am worth something now. i am enough. i am enough. and will be for the rest of my life. i love you i love you i love you! thank you sooo very very very very much. i love you i love you. you are my songs and my music and inspiration to inspire you. i love you i love you i love you!  i did it! me! i said goodbye, and all that is left is joy, joy joy joy joy joy joy joy joy! laughter through tears, and all these years and now joy i am finally myself. taylor, my wings are as big as the universe and they are golden and meld with everything else which is also energy like wind in my wings! i am a divine expression of life. i love and accept myself Exactly as i am, where i am right now, today , this moment. oh god is joy, joy is life and love and friendship. and joy is freedom. freeeeeedom. freeeeedom is my only kingdom, freeedom is my home, may all the love and life you want find you freee . i am so happy as beatrix is when in kill bill two she escapes or kills her enemies , gets her daughter and is living with her daughter free from all the death and assasins, she is crying but not sad, she is laughing . that is what i did today when i hung up the phone i was in the shower  and i was laughing . my cheeks are hurting, my eyes are shining, i washed my hair twice, once to get out the old and once to get in the new me, this joy. oh i am so happy to be alive. i am really worth something. i am in awe of myself. i thank myself so much that i was able to get me out of that relationship. i love you i love you, every rock, and table and computer and phone, and everything i see i love, and every memory i love, for they all have co created who i am today. thank you all , thank you everything, every cut and scrape and concert i love you i love you i love you!!!! oh god, i love you, thank you, joy joy joy! big smiles , cheeks hurting , i am home! i am home! and i haven't been home in years! i am back at the beginning ready to tackle the world and change it for the better and write my songs and sing my songs and play the pianos and talk to the producers and all and everything where i am going, nothing and no one can stop me i am going to complete this dream of this musical.! and when im done, im sure i'll have had so much fun i'll write another. i love you oprah and martha and dyer, you all who are so inspireing to me! i love you ! i am enough! i am secure! i trust the process of life now! everything always works out, mom! don't worry the love in your heart is enough! the love in joy is so much! so much! in joy in perfection. There are really no mistakes and no failures, the world is constantly changin and ever learning we learn from everything we do, we turn water into beautiful crystals, make cooked rice keep for thirty days, grow beautiful plants with out thoughts. our good thoughts. you know we think 60,000 thoughts a day, the same as the day before, it is lovely when those thoughts are joyous. it is amazing to know you and i each have our perfect bodies. and you are so smart. and we are all equal. taylor, we all got wings to fly with and be free. i love you! everyone! and thank you for my life! i did it , im free, i m baaaaack! JOY!